11 Dec 2011

NFL Week 14 Picks

No picks again last week. Ran out of time/forgot again. Why? I blame the children.

Two weeks ago: 12-4, Season cumulative: 83-48, Season average: 9-5

(Winners in bold)

Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Shitsburgh, unfortunately, will win due to the Browns playing like poo. A truly fecal theme to this one.

Kansas City at NY Jets
Look out now...Rex is on a roll! The AFC East ain’t over yet!*
*Yes, it is.

Tampa Bay at Jacksonville
The battle of two of the rubbishest (adj. -  to be crap) teams in the NFL! Who will win?! Who cares?!

New England at Washington
You know how there’s no such thing as a dead cert in professional sports? That’s bullshit.

Atlanta at Carolina
Cam. Fucking. Newton.

Indianapolis at Baltimore
You know how there’s no such thing as a dead cert in professional sports? That’s bullshit.” 2! Electric Boogaloo!

Philadelphia at Miami
Apparently, 1) Miami aren’t as shite as everyone thought at the beginning of the season and 2) The Eagles are worse than everyone thought at the beginning of the season.

Minnesota at Detroit
Look for the Lions to halt the skid here. Minnesota = inept.

New Orleans at Tennessee
...and then Brees was all like, “Rodgers? Man, fuck that dude. I’m like waaay better than that fucker! Watch me throw for, like a kajillion yards and a frillion TDs against Detroit!” And then everyone was all like, “Y’know Stafford will throw for more yards that game, right?” And then Brees was all like, “Man, fuck y’all. And Rodgers. Fuck him, too. Again.”

Houston at Cincinnati
Even with a third-string QB, we’re the greatest team in the history of the NFL, American Football as a game and professional sports as a whole.

Chicago at Denver
Just...can’t...pick...Tebow....to win. Just...can’t....!

San Francisco at Arizona
The 49ers have already won their division and the Cards are on a streak.

Buffalo at San Diego
Buffalo are in freefall and the Rivers actually started to play like Rivers last week.

Oakland at Green Bay
*sigh, shakes head* They’re STILL overrated.

NY Giants at Dallas
Eli and Hakeem will take last week’s unlucky loss out on the Cowgirls, fo’ sho’.

St. Louis at Seattle
Enjoy one more loss before you relocate to LA, y’all!