The Carlos Word

NFL Week 14 Picks

2011-12-11T15:38:00.003Z

No picks again last week. Ran out of time/forgot again. Why? I blame the children.

Two weeks ago: 12-4, Season cumulative: 83-48, Season average: 9-5

(Winners in bold)

Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Shitsburgh, unfortunately, will win due to the Browns playing like poo. A truly fecal theme to this one.

Kansas City at NY Jets
Look out now...Rex is on a roll! The AFC East ain’t over yet!*
*Yes, it is.

Tampa Bay at Jacksonville
The battle of two of the rubbishest (adj. - to be crap) teams in the NFL! Who will win?! Who cares?!

New England at Washington
You know how there’s no such thing as a dead cert in professional sports? That’s bullshit.

Atlanta at Carolina
Cam. Fucking. Newton.

Indianapolis at Baltimore
“You know how there’s no such thing as a dead cert in professional sports? That’s bullshit.” 2! Electric Boogaloo!

Philadelphia at Miami
Apparently, 1) Miami aren’t as shite as everyone thought at the beginning of the season and 2) The Eagles are worse than everyone thought at the beginning of the season.

Minnesota at Detroit
Look for the Lions to halt the skid here. Minnesota = inept.

New Orleans at Tennessee
...and then Brees was all like, “Rodgers? Man, fuck that dude. I’m like waaay better than that fucker! Watch me throw for, like a kajillion yards and a frillion TDs against Detroit!” And then everyone was all like, “Y’know Stafford will throw for more yards that game, right?” And then Brees was all like, “Man, fuck y’all. And Rodgers. Fuck him, too. Again.”

Houston at Cincinnati
Even with a third-string QB, we’re the greatest team in the history of the NFL, American Football as a game and professional sports as a whole.

Chicago at Denver
Just...can’t...pick...Tebow....to win. Just...can’t....!

San Francisco at Arizona
The 49ers have already won their division and the Cards are on a streak.

Buffalo at San Diego
Buffalo are in freefall and the Rivers actually started to play like Rivers last week.

Oakland at Green Bay
*sigh, shakes head* They’re STILL overrated.

NY Giants at Dallas
Eli and Hakeem will take last week’s unlucky loss out on the Cowgirls, fo’ sho’.

St. Louis at Seattle
Enjoy one more loss before you relocate to LA, y’all!

NFL Week 12 Picks

2011-11-27T15:43:00.000Z

Yes, I’m aware that the first three games have already happened. You’re gonna have to take my word for it that the below were my original picks.

Last week: 11-3, Season cumulative: 71-44, Season average: 9-5

(Winners in bold)

Green Bay at Detroit
Stafford and the Lions’ O are on fire. They will hand the overrated Packers their first loss.

Miami at Dallas
The Princess and the Cowgirls are on a bit of a streak, as are Miami. Home field takes it.

San Francisco at Baltimore
Possible the two meanest defenses in the NFL. Very tough call. I’m going for the Ravens. Just.

Houston at Jacksonville
So Schaub’s out. So what. Have you SEEN Foster and Tate’s numbers? Plus, AJ’s baaaack!

Buffalo at NY Jets
Look for the Jets to bounce back after last week’s surprise defeat.

Cleveland at Cincinnati
If you live in Ohio, I’m sure you’re excited for this one. Actually, you’re probably more excited about OSU than either of these teams.

Minnesota at Atlanta
The Vikes suck this year and AP (their only bright light this season) is out. No brainer.

Arizona at St. Louis
The Cards are on their way up! The Rams want (but won’t get) Luck, so, y’know, sucks to be a St. Louis fan right now.

Carolina at Indianapolis
Finally! A game that Carolina could and WILL win! The Colts are just looking to next season with Stanford’s star QB.

Tampa Bay at Tennessee
TB are on the wrong kind of streak and the Titans don’t look too bad this year...looks like gettng rid of Vince Young was indeed the best move.

Chicago at Oakland
This is a very tough call. Both teams exceeding expectations. Da Bears have won five straight and are pretty good against the run.

Washington at Seattle
I would hate to be a Redskins fan even more than I’d hate to be a Colts fan right now. Truly inept.

Denver at San Diego
Normally, this would be a no-brainer, but the Chargers have been unbelievably shite lately, as has Rivers. Still, fuck Tebow.

New England at Philadelphia
Witness one of the few times I’d actually root for the Patriots. Any time the dog-torturer’s team loses is a good time.

Pittsburgh at Kansas City
In the battle of “who gives a shit”, the date rapist will probably win.

NY Giants at New Orleans
Giving this one to Brees and Colston. The famous Giants inconsistency reared its ugly head again last week.

NFL Week 11 Picks

2011-11-20T16:53:00.000Z

Had no time/forgot to do my picks AGAIN last week! No excuses.

Two weeks ago: 9-5, Season cumulative: 60-41, Season average: 9-6

(Winners in bold)

NY Jets at Denver
This game already occured but, with true integrity, I can honestly say I would’ve picked the Jets. Fucking hell, Rexy...sort it out!

Tampa Bay at Green Bay
Okay, this is starting to piss me off. SOMEbody has to beat the overrated Packers! It just won’t be the Bucs.

Carolina at Detroit
This is gonna be a high-scoring game as both teams have powerful Os and terrible Ds. Home-field advantage tells me the Lions’ll take it.

Jacksonville at Cleveland
Holy shit, do the Jags suck or what? I’m calling it that Clevland snaps a three-game losing streak right here.

Oakland at Minnesota
Do the Vikes suck even more than the Jags? Possibly. AP will get big numbers tonight but will still lose.

Buffalo at Miami
Yes I know the Dolphins have won two on the bounce and Buffalo have lost four of the last five. The Bills should still take this.

Dallas at Washington
Expect Princess and the Cowgirls to take this against a Redskins team that defines the term “woeful”.

Cincinnati at Baltimore
Ravens to eke out a win against an impressive Bengals team. The two Rays to kick some ass.

Arizona at San Francisco
The 49ers seem to be the genuine article this year (compared to other early-season surprise packages like Detroit and Buffalo who’ve since gone off the boil). The Cards are much better than their record suggests, but I can’t see them beating San Fran.

Seattle at St. Louis
The battle of the shite. The green shite should take this one.

Tennessee at Atlanta
Two teams with identical records, yet the Titans suck (Chris Johnson should give some of his earnings back), while White, Ryan and Atlanta are awesome. Go figure.

San Diego at Chicago
Well, well, San Diego. What. The. Fuck. Chicago have one four in a row, while the Chargers have lost four in a row. ‘Nuff said.

Philadelphia at NY Giants
I’m so glad the dog-torturer had one of his worst games ever last week. I’m also glad that Eli’s beginning to show consistency again.

Kansas City at New England
Um. Yeah.

I'd rather take Archie, at this point...

2011-11-13T07:04:00.002Z

A perfect summary of the Washington Redskins in 2011:

"I take my fan loyalty seriously, but the worthless Washington Redskins are pushing my F-ing limits. I am not about to jump ship, but I am also becoming increasingly convinced I will never get to root for a winner. I can see exactly what is going to happen to the Redskins over the next six months. We will finish the year 4-12 or 5-11 good enough for the 5th-10th pick. Indianapolis is going 0-16 and will get the number one pick. They will Draft Andrew Luck and put Peyton on the trading block. Hearing that he has the chance to grab a upper 30s QB who has had three neck surgeries in two years, Dan Snyder will immediately offer three first-round draft picks, two second rounders and Brian Orakpo for Peyton. Followed closely by Peyton only playing part of next season, getting hurt and then retiring. Leaving the Redskins with NO good draft picks for three years and a $90 million contract that we will of course agree to pay all of. FUCK MY LIFE! This is bullshit.
— Brian O., Washington"

(via Grantland. Original post here)

Poppies! Poppies will put them to sleep...sleeeep...now they'll sleeeeeeeep....!

2011-11-10T11:17:00.000Z

RE the furore regarding FIFA's decision to not allow the England football team to wear poppies on their shirts in the upcoming friendly against Spain at Wembley:

(via The Guardian)

"(Prime Minister David) Cameron then declared his intention to write an angry letter to Fifa, demanding that England's footballers be allowed to show their respect for all those who have lost their lives in conflict in places like Afghanistan by sporting a symbol of the Islamic republic's lucrative heroin export trade"

and

"At the time of writing, two bozos from the English Defence League, an organisation not renowned for it's tight grasp on the concept of irony, had muscled in on the farce by clambering up on the roof of Fifa HQ in Zurich to selflessly protest on behalf of those left with no voice as a result of being too dead from fighting against the kind of people who espouse similar views to supporters of the English Defence League. Remembrance of the war dead doesn't get more dignified - well done football, well done."

NFL Week 9 Picks

2011-11-06T16:01:00.000Z

Had no time/forgot to do picks last weekend. Was in the pub watching Tottenham v QPR before the opening game (Vikes/Carolina) and didn’t remember ‘til mid-way through the second quarter!

ANYway...

Two weeks ago: 9-4, Season cumulative: 51-36, Season average: 9-6

(Winners in bold)

Miami at Kansas City
Could Miami get any worse? Probably not. Reggie is keeping up the fine tradition of all people with the last name of “Bush” being a total waste of space. Also, KC are showing signs of life after a dismal start to this campaign

Atlanta at Indianapolis
No reason to think the Colts will get their first win this week

Tampa Bay at New Orleans
After an explicable loss last week to the up-to-then-winless Rams, look for the Saints to bounce back and beat a crappy Tampa Bay team whose 4-3 record belies their general ineptitude

NY Jets at Buffalo
Big, big game for the Jets. If they can beat this year’s surprise package (along with the 49ers), their playoff hopes should be on the right track

Seattle at Dallas
Is picking Seattle considered controversial? I don’t think it is

Cleveland at Houston
Though my policy is to never pick the Texans to lose, I love it during weeks when I know they won’t

San Francisco at Washington
Ha ha! Still laughing at the fact that Grossman got benched! Also, Frank Gore is a BEAST this year

Cincinnati at Tennessee
Biggest “I don’t care what happens” game of the week. Um, Cincinnati look pretty good this year and, as a former Houston Oilers fan, I hate the Titans

Denver at Oakland
Is it wrong to hope that the notoriously-violent Raiders beat up on that evangelist, Tebow?

NY Giants at New England
Hmmm, both teams are 5-2, NY are on a win streak, but the Pats just lost...but the Pats are at home and Eli is notoriously inconsistent. Tough call. Am going with Brady’s hair

St. Louis at Arizona
C’mon, Cards!! I pick you every week and almost every week you let me down! Kolb and Fitzgerald, do your effing jobs!

Green Bay at San Diego
Looking for Green Bay’s first loss? Look no further

Baltimore at Pittsburgh
One of my favorite teams against the date rapist. Look for the Ravens, and Rice in particular, to beat up on the Steelers just like they did in week one

Chicago at Philadelphia
Despite their records (4-3 and 3-4, respectively), Chicago haven’t truly impressed this season, while Philly have flattered to deceive. Look for McCoy and Jackson to have big games

NFL Week 7 Picks

2011-10-23T14:21:00.000+01:00

Last week: 9-4, Season cumulative: 42-32, Season average: 8-6

(Winners in bold)

Running late...on the way to Wembley for the Bears/Bucs!! No time for commentary...

San Diego at NY Jets
Chicago at Tampa Bay
Washington at Carolina
Atlanta at Detroit
Seattle at Cleveland
Denver at Miami
Houston at Tennessee
Kansas City at Oakland
Pittsburgh at Arizona
Green Bay at Minnesota
St. Louis at Dallas
Indianapolis at New Orleans
Baltimore at Jacksonville

NFL Week 6 Picks

2011-10-16T16:23:00.000+01:00

Last week: 6-7, Season cumulative: 33-28, Season average: 8-7

(Winners in bold)

San Francisco at Detroit
Very impressive offensive display by the 49ers last week and Alex Smith is no joke this year. However, the bigger surprise and most impressive team this year is the Lions. Detroit takes this one.

St. Louis at Green Bay
Mark my words, the overrated green bay will slip up this season...it just won’t be this week.

Carolina at Atlanta
I’m going with Cam and the boys to easily beat a disappointing Falcons team.

Indianapolis at Cincinnati
Jesus, Indy are rubbish and the Bengals have quietly turned into a contender this year and are at home.

Buffalo at NY Giants
Probably the toughest call of the week. the Jekyll-and-Hyde-like Giants could clobber the Bills on their day. Gonna stick my neck out and go with Eli.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh
Pitt starting to show signs of life. Jax continuing to show how useless they are.

Philadelphia at Washington
It can’t get any worse for Philly, can it? I think the losing streak stops here. I also believe the ‘Skins have flattered to deceive this season.

Houston at Baltimore
We need to bounce back after the Al Davis-inspired loss last week. we couldn’t have asked for a tougher game in which to do it, though.

Cleveland at Oakland
If they can beat us, they sure as shit can whip the Browns. Campbell and McFadden should run riot this week.

Dallas at New England
New England look better this season than they have in a few years and should comfortably win. Not to worry, though, if the Cowgirls get the lead...Romo will surely once again find a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory...

New Orleans at Tampa Bay
I just dislike Tampa Bay so much...I never used to when they had bright orange-and-white uniforms and the picture of the moutachioed & goateed buccaneer on the sides of their helmets, but I digress. Brees and Colston to get big numbers.

Minnesota at Chicago
Which Minnesota will show up this week? Last week’s titans of the week before’s wiener’s? i’m betting that in either case, Da Bears will prove to strong for them.

Miami at NY Jets
Rexy’s boys will take all of last week’s frustration out on the shite that is known as this year’s ‘Fins.

Lol. No, really...LOL!

2011-10-10T17:48:00.000+01:00

This article made me literally lol. You know how “lol” has become internet short-hand for anything even mildly amusing? Well, I’d like to start a grass-roots, traditional, nostalgic, “in the old days”, ye olde, post-war, pre-gothic, post-raphaelite, rennaissance movement aimed at taking lol back to its original meaning: LAUGHING OUT LOUD. I laughed out loud (several times, in fact) at the below. Brooker’s articles are always brilliant, but this one is among his best.

The kind of humor I find amusing is ridiculousness. Specifically, an idea taken to a ridiculous extreme. See Monty Python’s “Four Yorkshiremen” sketch or Eddie Izzard’s bit about Frank Sinatra’s fictional car accident in his “Dress to Kill” stand-up show for good examples of this type of ridulousness. Add the opening four paragraphs of the below to this illustrious list.

I’ve highlighted this and some of the other really funny parts in red...

Why does the BBC dump so much money in a big glittery bin by making glossy trailers? It turns me silver with rage
All these people should be employed to make programmes, not adverts for them

Being a pitiless blank-eyed hell-wraith summoned by the Dark Ones and instructed to walk among us spreading fear and misery, David Cameron loves the thought of the BBC being reduced in size and scope. In fact he famously described the very notion of BBC cuts as "delicious". He said this openly at a press conference, but also repeated it later, in the quiet confines of his lair.

It was a pleasant yet unremarkable evening for Cameron; bathed in the warm light of glowing book embers, he had already shed that day's temporary humanlike epidermis as part of his nightly skin-sloughing ritual, and was preparing to dislocate his lower jaw, all the better to ingest the live sacrificial foal the terrified local farmers had left tied outside his cave in a desperate bid to stop him preying on their herds at night. As Cameron approached the foal, turning the air dry and bitter, the creature's fur stood on end, and it kicked and bucked in instinctive awed fear; yet there was no escape for the petrified beast, since Cameron's lizard handlers had taken the precaution of nailing it to the hard rock floor by hammering thorns through its hooves earlier that afternoon before their Master returned from His Work.

Cameron paused for a moment, to observe and enjoy the spectacle of the animal's futile writhing. And as he watched it squirm on the floor below him, as he felt the cold blood of satisfaction course through his twisted genitals, he briefly recalled that day's discussion about the freezing of the licence fee, and a baleful smile flickered around the approximate area of his headlike section upon which a pair of frighteningly convincing decoy humanoid lips usually sat during daylight hours, as part of his ingenious disguise.

"Deliciousssssss," quoth he, and a shimmering slick of anticipatory saliva dripped from his reptilian maw and splashed upon the foal's cringing face, instantly dissolving both its eyes.

Anyway, Dave (as we must call him while the sun still hangs in the sky) will presumably have been delighted by the BBC's Delivering Quality First report, which outlines all the exciting ways in which it plans to prune a fifth from its overall budget. On the face of it, there's no huge incendiary headline within, apart from the loss of 2,000 jobs. Yes, 2,000 jobs. If the Stig was being sacked, there'd be 2,000 misspelled Facebook groups demanding his immediate reinstatement. But 2,000 behind-the-scenes posts? There's a widespread suspicion the Beeb has too many managerial layers anyway, so few tears will be shed. And aside from that, most of the other savings seem to come from actions it's hard to imagine the general public getting worked up about: prunings, reshuffles and repeats rather than outright closures.

That's on the face of it. The reality is that with more pressure on the BBC to be seen to be delivering value for money comes more pressure to please as much of the crowd as cheaply as possible. Which potentially means a resistance to taking risks. Sounds logical on paper, maybe – except "risks' have traditionally delivered some of the BBC's most remarkable successes, from That Was the Week That Was to Doctor Who to Monty Python to The Young Ones to The Day Today and so on. Risk also throws up things such as Bonekickers, but that's how creativity works, innit: sometimes you're going to heave out a stinker.

Anyway, among all the articles detailing which bits of Radio 1 Extra will be shared with Radio 1, and which daytime shows are likely to be axed and so on, the one thing I can't find is any mention of how much the BBC spends on promotional trails. I'm not talking about the on-air trails consisting of edited highlights. I'm talking about the bespoke mini-movies encouraging me to watch such little-known broadcasts as Strictly Come Dancing; ads created not from footage from the shows themselves, but from specially-shot glossy nonsense.

These things turn me silver with rage. Yeah, silver. I TURN SILVER. And they turn me silver not because they're bad – on the contrary, they're often very well made indeed – but because they have absolutely no right to exist in any civilised universe. It's like watching the BBC shit money into a big glittery bin.

To shoot the recent Strictly trailer, for instance, in which celebrities lead a crowd of "ordinary folk" in a patronising pied-piper dance, I'd guess they had to close a couple of streets for several days (including one very tricky night shoot involving lots of pretty lights). It's glossily made and quite complicated, so there's also a big crew to pay. And as well as the stars themselves, all of whom require costume and makeup, I'd say they also had to hire about 50 extras. And a shitload of catering. All these people should be employed to make shows, not adverts for shows. That's like paying Heston Blumenthal millions to design a bespoke scent that'll tempt people to your soup truck, which only serves bargain soup made with cheap ingredients because that's all you can afford, having blown all the money on the smell.

All that time and money to advertise a show which everybody knows about anyway. You could hold a bit of cardboard with "STRICTLY'S COMING BACK" scrawled on it in front of the lens for 10 seconds and it would have 10 times the impact. Madness.

And it's not just madness in the short-term: what about legacy? If all that time and money and street-closing and dancing and filming had been used to create a show instead of an advert, they might've created something they could broadcast again, or sell on DVD, or flog to the Swiss and the Kenyans. Instead they blew it on a promo that'll air for a few weeks before getting tossed on to the ever-mounting stack of other never-to-be-shown-again adverts, which sit there gathering dust in nobody's memories – pointless visual epics informing you that the BBC sometimes broadcasts football and has radio stations.

I wouldn't mind if they used the money to sew some shiny new buttons on Ian Beale's shirt. Or maybe a bunch of pitchforks and flaming torches for those terrified farmers round Cameron's way. Film that. At least it's money spent on the right thing.

Original article here.

NFL Week 5 Picks

2011-10-09T16:17:00.000+01:00

Last week: 10-6, Season cumulative: 27-21, Season average: 9-7

(Winners in bold)

Tennessee at Pittsburgh
So the Titans were supposed to suck this year and Pitt got to last year’s Super Bowl. Also, all the experts are picking the Steelers. I say look at the way Ray Rice ran all over them in week 1. A big week for Chris Johnson.

Seattle at NY Giants
Duh.

Cincinnati at Jacksonville
I thinks the Jags suck marginally more than Cincy.

New Orleans at Carolina
I’m calling it...upset! Plus, I have a man-crush on Cam Newton.

Oakland at Houston
With AJ out injured, this will be the battle of possibly the two best running games in the NFL. McFadden vs. Foster/Tate. Houston will take this, though, owing to the fact that the loss of AJ aside, Owen Daniels owns.

Philadelphia at Buffalo
I have a feeling Philly will bounce back from last week’s surprise defeat to conquer a Bills team that’s apparently not quite as good as we thought...

Kansas City at Indianapolis
Tough call. On the other hand, it’s the Chiefs vs. a Peyton-less Colts, so really, who gives a shit? I’ll go with home-field advantage.

Arizona at Minnesota
I keep picking the Cards each week and they keep disappointing me each week. However, Minnesota lost to the Chiefs (the effing CHIEFS!!) last week so they must suck hard. Fitzgerald to get a squillion TDs.

Tampa Bay at San Francisco
I’m going with the 49ers because TB aren’t anywhere near as good as their 3-1 record suggests. Also, because i can’t believe Freeman is a starting QB in the NFL.

NY Jets at New England
Damn, Jets!! Why do you have to suck? Sanchez is among the worst QBs in the league this season and the defeat to the Bills notwithstanding, New England looks pretty lethal.

San Diego at Denver
John Fox’s refusal to start Billy Graham combined with a predictably strong Chargers equals another loss for Denver.

Green Bay at Atlanta
I mean, I guess I gotta pick the Pack, right? Uh, right?!

Chicago at Detroit
I LOVE the fact that Detroit are kicking ass this season. last week’s comeback win against the shitheads shows they have character as well as talent. Stafford still looks like a 12-year-old, though.

Me laugh at this

2011-10-08T06:53:00.000+01:00

NFL Week 4 Picks

2011-10-02T10:16:00.001+01:00

Last week: 8-8, Season cumulative: 17-15, Season average: 9-7

(Winners in bold)

Detroit at Dallas
I am seriously in the tank for the Lions this season. Oh, and Romo sucks, of course.

Carolina at Chicago
Completely going against the experts, my “controversial” pick this week is the Panthers. But really, with the awesomeness that is Cam Newton and a weak Chicago o-line, is this really controversial?

Buffalo at Cincinnati
It’s good to see Buffalo winning again. What is this, the mid-90s??!!

Tennessee at Cleveland
This is a tough game to call between two 2-1 teams. Chris Johnson’s so-far-underhwleming season, though, makes me go for the Browns. Just.

Minnesota at Kansas City
Peterson to rush for between 150-200 yards.

Washington at St. Louis
I’m liking the new Rex Grossman this season.

New Orleans at Jacksonville
Though they beat my beloved Texans last week, I still like the Saints and I like them even more to beat a poor Jaguars team.

Pittsburgh at Houston
I will never pick the Texans to lose. Ever. I mean, ever.

San Francisco at Philadelphia
Another tough call, due to the dog-torturer’s injuries and a resurgent 49ers. The explosive McCoy and the 49ers’ less-than-stellar offense, though, make me thing the Eagles will take this.

NY Giants at Arizona
Yet another tough call. The Giants are on a roll and Arizona are only 2-1. Home-field advantage and the Kolb-Fitzgerald combination make me think the Cards will take this one.

Atlanta at Seattle
No question. Look for Ryan and White to have a big game.

Miami at San Diego
Another no-brainer. Even without Antonio Gates, the Chargers’ offense has been great so far this season with the Rivers/Matthews/Jackson triple-threat. Oh, and I always knew Reggie was overrated. Why must everyone named Bush be so useless?

New England at Oakland
Believe it or not, I think this one’s also a tough call. Home-field advantage, a much-improved team over last year’s and the best running game in the NFL mean Oakland will be no pushovers. Last week’s hiccup against the magical Bills notwithstanding, though, I think Brady & Co. will be just too strong.

Denver at Green Bay
Easy pick. The Packers’ passing O will be too strong for Denver. Also, though I think Orton’s a great QB and Tebow’s a religious nut, I think it’s time to give Tim a chance to start.

NY Jets at Baltimore
Really tough to call. The Jets have so many offensive weapons and a great D. The Ravens have the best D (built, coincidentally, by Jets’ head coach Rex Ryan when he was Baltimore’s defensive coach) and all of a sudden have an offense this year. I’m going with Baltimore purely because of home-field advantage.

Indianapolis at Tampa Bay
Just don’t think a Peyton-less Colts stand a chance against home-field advantage and a decent Buccaneers team.

Podcasts of Choice

2011-09-25T14:37:00.001+01:00

Apparently, this is "a podcast"...

I have to endure a long drive to and from work each day (it takes about 70-80 mins, one way!), but there's one thing that makes this ass-suck of a journey a little more bearable: podcasts.
For the uninitiated, there are many definitions of what a podcast is, but I prefer this one from the small business encyclopedia: A podcast is a pre-recorded audio program that's made available for download so people can listen to it on personal computers or mobile devices.

While not exactly a recent phenomenon, the number of podcasts available, and their popularity, seems to have increased exponentially with each passing year. Now you can find podcasts (of varying quality) about every conceivable subject...from the obvious: sports, film, science, news, etc., to the ridiculous: Suze Orman's.

All of which is to say that the following represent my listening material of choice on that painful drive along the A34 (Britain's worst road, ever) to and from work:

NPR's This American Life

Probably the best podcast of all time, this series from National Public Radio's Chicago station, WBEZ, is a weekly podcast around an hour long featuring four different stories on a particular theme...ANY theme. The "American" part is a bit of a misnomer in that the themes aren't uniquely American (though some are, others are pretty universal) and the stories can sometimes have nothing to do with America, such as one of the stories around infidelity revolving around a trio of people from Kent in England. This podcast is just hugely informative, entertaining and can only enrich your life.

NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour

If, like me, you're very much into popular culture, this really is the podcast for you. Four reviewers from NPR discuss pop culture in a weekly half-hour show. What makes this head and shoulders above other pop culture/movie/TV podcasts are the following: 1) the hosts are highly knowledgeable on their subjects. I used to listen to the /filmcast but grew increasingly annoyed at the youthful hosts' lack of knowledge about almost anything pre-1995. 2) The hosts are extremely witty. It may sound snobbish to say so, but I genuinely like sophisticated, educated humor. 3) The segment entitled "What's making us happy this week" is a great way to find out about hidden gems (such as Julie Klausner's excellent "How Was Your Week" podcast listed below) or a chance to reappraise forgotten classics.

The Guardian Football Weekly
My two favorite sports in the entire world are football and (American) football. I've yet to find a really good (American) football podcast, though I've tried many. For (European) football, though, by far the best is The Guardian newspaper's Football Weekly. Hosted by the brilliantly funny and knowledgeable James Richardson (he of Channel 4's gone-but-not-forgotten Gazzetta Football Italia) and featuring a rotating cast of writers from The Guardian, this twice-weekly podcast in the main recaps the previous weekend's matches (but also previews the coming week's games) in the EPL, as well as reporting form Europe's main leagues (Serie A in Italy, La Liga in Spain and the Bundesliga in Germany). What sets it apart, though, is the banter between the writers. It's a joy to listen to people both deeply knowledgeable about the beautiful game but also extremely funny and witty.

The Rachel Maddow Show
From one of my intellectual heroes and possibly the smartest political commentator in the media, this podcast is literally the audio from Rachel Maddow's nightly cable news show. Yes, I'm a total liberal. I really do recommend Maddow's show, though, for everyone across the political spectrum. Unlike Olbermann and Maher (who I also love) Maddow is far less combative and doesn't indulge in name-calling of any kind. She's brilliant, well-researched, funny, cares deeply for her both her country and for the people and is a reasoned voice from the left. I wouldn't recommend any of my Republican friends listen to Olbermann, but I would Maddow. To those of us on the Left, there is no better voice in the media. For those in the Center/on the Right, if you haven't watched/listened to her, give her show a try. She may be able to sway you. At the very least, you'll get reasonable and logical arguments for why we believe what we believe.

BBC Radio 4's News Quiz
The "Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me" for the UK, or the podcast/radio version of TV's "Have I Got News For You". A weekly quiz chaired by the incomparable national treasure that is Sandi Toksvig and featuring the righteous-but-funny regular panellist Jeremy Hardy, the news quiz is first and foremost a comedy program with different guests/comedians each week, discussing the news stories from the past seven days with an emphasis on politics. I would say the satire and humor exceeds even that on the brillant HIGNFY but, like HIGNFY, the standard of the verbal interplay never drops for a single episode.

NPR's Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me
The "BBC Radio 4's News Quiz" for the USA. While ostensibly being a quiz, WWDTM is really, like its UK counterpart, a chance for some comedians to make jokes about news stories from the previous week. This show doesn't quite attain the heights of the "...News Quiz", but that's more because of format rather than the talent of the guests and less focus on the ridiculousness of US politics and politicians. Also, is there a better prize in radio than Carl Kasell's voice doing your answering-machine message (even if the very concept of answering machines is a little outdated!)

The Guardian Film Weekly
Coming, as they both do, from The Guardian, Film Weekly couldn't be more different from Football Weekly. There's not much humor here, with regular host Jason Solomons and regular guest critic Xan Brooks both being resolutely high-brow in their criticism and in their choosing of subjects/films to discuss. As a movie nerd, I listen to many movie-centric podcasts. When I'm in the mood, though, to hear an interview with Danish auteur and cinematic bad-boy Lars Von Trier or what Lynne Ramsay has been up to since Ratcatcher, I put on Film Weekly.

Filmspotting
Heard about this on PCHH. This podcast bridges the gap nicely between the populist "/filmcast" and "...Film Weekly". Regular hosts Adam Kempenaar and Matty Robinson typically review the week's major release. What sets this apart, though, is the Top 5 segment wherein they discuss the Top 5 "something" movies. In recent weeks there's been the Top 5 Assassin movies, Top 5 Soderbergh scenes and Top 5 Slasher films. If "...Film Weekly" is Cahiers du Cinema and the "/filmcast" is Entertainment Weekly, this is more like Empire Magazine. Kempenaar and Robinson, though (unlike the /filmcast triumvirate of Hardawar, Chen and Quigley), have both seen movies from before 1995 and their viewing is not limited to mainstream American movies and Asian cinema.

How Was Your Week
Comedienne Julie Klasuner (one of the funniest people on twitter, btw) hosts a weekly show from her apartment in NYC where she just talks about stuff (again, usually centred around pop culture) with an eclectic lineup of guests that in recent weeks has included Jackie Collins, Laraine Newman and Patton Oswalt. I think the next episode features Sandra Bernhard discussing her obsession with Jerry Langford (if you didn't get that reference, you're no movie fan!). Klausner's humor is very much aligned with what I find funny - social commentary that, while bitchy, is never just mean.

WTF with Marc Maron
Marc Maron is a stand-up comedian and former radio host for Air America. This show is done from his garage and is a brilliant combination of rants about stuff he both loves and hates and interviews with some of the funniest people in America. Maron has a real appreciation for the art of stand-up and his discussions about the craft with his special guests are at once informative and hilarious. Standout episodes so far are the Andrew 'Dice' Clay and Doug Stanhope ones.

NPR's Jazz Profiles
Another NPR gem, "Jazz Profiles" is de rigueur if you're a jazz buff or even if you're just interested in music. Taking a jazz great as the subject of each episode, the show is a combination of interviews, clips of other jazz artists talking about the subject and, of course, samples from the particular subject's oeuvre. Just when I thought I couldn't learn any more about the greatest jazz pianist of all time, Oscar Peterson, JP proved me wrong.

NFL Week 3 Picks

2011-09-24T15:03:00.000+01:00

No big upset pick this week, but when you consider I've picked only four home teams to win, the entire list could be considered an upset pick, no? Winners in bold, as usual...

Houston at New Orleans

I will NEVER pick Houston to lose, obviously

NY Giants at Philadelphia

I rarely wish another human being ill, but a not-100% Michael Vick is no human being so I hope the Giants go blitz-crazy as usual against him

Jacksonville at Carolina

This is the week that Carolina gets their first win. Expect more impressive numbers from Cam

New England at Buffalo

Buffalo, your flukey start stops here. No fan of NE, but they've been awesome so far this year

Miami at Cleveland

Just don't believe Miami will go 0-3. Expecting a big week from both Henne and Bush

San Francisco at Cincinnati

Home field is the only reason I'm giving this to the Bengals...should be a close game

Denver at Tennessee

Orton & Co. should post a fairly comfortable win here

Detroit at Minnesota

When was the last time you could say that the Lions were hands-down favorites against the Vikes

Baltimore at St. Louis

After last week's strange loss, expect Ray Lewis to take out all his anger on the Rams

NY Jets at Oakland

Was week 1 a false dawn for Campbell and the Raiders? Either way, the Jets are still way too good for them

Kansas City at San Diego

Poor KC. Looks like they'll be the whipping boys of the league this year. Hope you've all picked Rivers as your Fantasy QB this week

Arizona at Seattle

Seattle have already looked as unimpressive as many thought they would. Larry Fitzgerald to have a big game?

Atlanta at Tampa Bay

Very hard pick...both teams look good (the Bucs surprisingly so), but I think Tampa Bay will edge it

Green Bay at Chicago

Green bay should have no problem against a suspect (read: capitulation) Bears team

Pittsburgh at Indianapolis

I just can't see a Peyton-less Colts winning this...even at home

Washington at Dallas

Romo's turn to have a shitty game. Rex Grossman already playing better here than he did the entire time in Chicago

The 2011 Emmys

2011-09-17T17:45:00.005+01:00

As a bona-fide movie nerd, it surprises me to say that for the past decade or so, television has completely surpassed film in terms of quality output. The reasons why I think this is I'll save for a separate post. For now, here's a list of this year's Emmy nominees and, in red, who I think should win (and why):

Outstanding Comedy Series
"The Big Bang Theory"
"Glee"
"Modern Family"
"The Office"
"Parks And Recreation""30 Rock"
I love "The Office" and "Parks & Rec", and "Glee" has some great moments (though to be honest, I tune in purely for the musical numbers), but MF is the best thing here. However, the fact is that "Louie" is not only the best comedy show on television right now, it is also one of the best shows of any genre on TV right now and one of the best comedy shows of all time.

Outstanding Drama Series
"Boardwalk Empire"
"Dexter"
"Friday Night Lights"
"Game Of Thrones"
"The Good Wife"
"Mad Men"

FNL and GoT are two of my favorite shows of all time, but they still pale in comparison to the brilliance that is MM. In fact, this season was the best yet.

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
"The Big Bang Theory" - Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper
"The Big Bang Theory" - Johnny Galecki as Leonard Hofstadter
"Episodes" - Matt LeBlanc as Matt LeBlanc
"Louie" -Louis C.K. as Louie
"The Office" - Steve Carell as Michael Scott
"30 Rock" - Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy

No contest. Louis C.K. is masterful playing an at once funny, tragic, truthful hero/everyman.

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
"Boardwalk Empire" - Steve Buscemi as Nucky Thompson
"Dexter" - Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan
"Friday Night Lights" - Kyle Chandler as Coach Eric Taylor
"House" - Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House
"Justified" - Timothy Olyphant as Raylan Givens
"Mad Men" - Jon Hamm as Don Draper

This was a tough one. I think Kyle Chandler, Jon Hamm and Timothy Olyphant are all equally brilliant, but I had to pick one. All I can say is that they're lucky this most recent season of Breaking Bad was too late to qualify, otherwise Bryan Cranston would have (quite rightly) wiped the floor with all of them.

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
"Carlos" - Edgar Ramirez as Carlos
"The Kennedys" - Greg Kinnear as John F. Kennedy
"The Kennedys" - Barry Pepper as Bobby Kennedy
"Luther - Idris Elba as John Luther
"Thurgood" - Laurence Fishburne as Thurgood Marshall
"Too Big To Fail" - William Hurt as Henry 'Hank' Paulson

Tbh, have only seen some of "The Kennedys", "Too Big to Fail", and some bits of "Luther" (I know what you're thinking: how could I, of all people, NOT have seen "Carlos" yet, right?). However, having recently watched the excellent documentary about the financial crisis, "Inside Job", I can tell you that Hurt nailed it.

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series

"The Big C" - Laura Linney as Cathy Jamison

"Mike & Molly" - Melissa McCarthy as Molly Flynn

"Nurse Jackie" - Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton

"Parks And Recreation" - Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope

"Raising Hope" - Martha Plimpton as Virginia Chance

"30 Rock" - Tina Fey as Liz Lemon

Amy Poehler is just consistently brilliant in this, making an annoying character supremely likeable.

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series

"Friday Night Lights" - Connie Britton as Tami Taylor

"The Good Wife" - Julianna Margulies as Alicia Florrick

"Harry's Law" - Kathy Bates as Harriet "Harry" Korn

"The Killing" - Mireille Enos as Sarah Linden

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" - Mariska Hargitay as Det. Olivia Benson

"Mad Men" - Elisabeth Moss as Peggy Olson

Mireille Enos was awesome and would be my pick any other year and I love Elisabeth Moss in MM, but Connie Britton is brilliance incarnate in FNL.

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie

"Cinema Verite" - Diane Lane as Patricia Loud

"Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)" - Elizabeth McGovern as Cora, Countess of Grantham

"Mildred Pierce" - Kate Winslet as Mildred Pierce

"Taken From Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story" - Taraji P. Henson as Tiffany Rubin

"Upstairs Downstairs (Masterpiece)" - Jean Marsh as Rose Buck

Saw most of these and Winslet was by far the best.

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series

"Glee" - Chris Colfer as Kurt Hummel

"Modern Family" - Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell

"Modern Family" - Ed O'Neill as Jay Pritchett

"Modern Family" - Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker

"Modern Family" - Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy

"Two And A Half Men" - Jon Cryer as Alan Harper

It may be obvious, but Stonestreet steals literally every scene he's in.

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series

"Game Of Thrones" - Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister

"The Good Wife" - Josh Charles as Will Gardner

"The Good Wife" - Alan Cumming as Eli Gold

"Justified" - Walton Goggins as Boyd Crowder

"Mad Men" - John Slattery as Roger Sterling

"Men Of A Certain Age" - Andre Braugher as Owen

If there was any justice, Walton Goggins would've won already for both "The Shield" and "Justified". John Slattery put in his best work on MM yet, this season, but Dinklage took incredible acting to another level. Of course, it helped that he had the best-written character, but still...come ON now...no effing contest

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie

"The Kennedys" - Tom Wilkinson as Joe Kennedy

"Mildred Pierce" - Guy Pearce as Monty Beragon

"Mildred Pierce" - Brian F. O'Byrne as Bert Pierce

"Too Big To Fail" - Paul Giamatti as Ben Bernanke

"Too Big To Fail" - James Woods as Richard Fuld

Seen all of these and Woods was at his hyper, machiavellian best in TBtF.

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series

"Glee" - Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester

"Hot In Cleveland" - Betty White as Elka Ostrosky

"Modern Family" - Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy

"Modern Family" - Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett

"Saturday Night Live" - Kristen Wiig as Various Characters

"30 Rock" - Jane Krakowski as Jenna Maroney

I love Jane Lynch so much and it would always be between her and Vergara. But Sofia deserves some recognition for an amazingly-perfect comedic performance.

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series

"Boardwalk Empire" - Kelly Macdonald as Margaret Schroeder

"The Good Wife" - Archie Panjabi as Kalinda Sharma

"The Good Wife" - Christine Baranski as Diane Lockhart

"Justified" - Margo Martindale as Mags Bennett

"The Killing" - Michelle Forbes as Mitch Larsen

"Mad Men" - Christina Hendricks as Joan Harris

I love Christina Hendricks in MM, but if anyone other than Margo Martindale wins for what I consider to be one of the all-time greatest performances by an actor in a TV show ever, someone will need to be stabbed.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie

"Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)" - Maggie Smith as Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham

"Mildred Pierce" - Evan Rachel Wood as Veda Pierce

"Mildred Pierce" - Melissa Leo as Lucy Gessler

"Mildred Pierce" - Mare Winningham as Ida

"Upstairs Downstairs (Masterpiece)" - Eileen Atkins as Lady Maud Holland

Though she was awesome, Mare Winningham was barely onscreen in MP, meaning that Dame Maggie should get the prize.

Outstanding Miniseries Or Movie
"Cinema Verite"
"Downton Abbey"
"The Kennedys"
"Mildred Pierce"
"The Pillars Of The Earth""Too Big To Fail"
I loved MP so much, but Downton Abbey was and is a modern masterpiece. New season begins tomorrow night...eeeeeeee!! *squeals like a girl*

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series

"The Colbert Report"

"Conan"

"The Daily Show With Jon Stewart"

"Late Night With Jimmy Fallon"

"Real Time With Bill Maher"

"Saturday Night Live"

I love ALL of these (yes, even SNL), but "Real Time..." is the smartest, funniest and most informative show on TV. Kudos to Bill for having Dems and Reps consistently on the panel/as guests.

NFL Week 2 Picks

2011-09-17T09:44:00.000+01:00

(Winners in bold)

Kansas City at Detroit

(the Lions' resurgence is underway...easy win)

Oakland at Buffalo

(c'mon...they played the Chiefs last week; I could beat KC on my own)

Tampa Bay at Minnesota (McNabb's still got something left in the tank...for one more season, at least)

Chicago at New Orleans

(Brees & Co. will take their Week 1 injustice anger out on Chicago)

Baltimore at Tennessee
(did you SEE the Ravens last week??!!)

Cleveland at Indianapolis
(Peyton or no Peyton, the Colts will win this)

Jacksonville at NY Jets
(Darrelle Revis is the best player in the NFL. Discuss.)

Seattle at Pittsburgh
(just what the Steelers needed after an unexpected Week 1 loss)

Arizona at Washington
(if the Cards can beat a Newton-powered Carolina, they should kill the Redskins)

Green Bay at Carolina
(controversial pick. I just have a feeling...)

Dallas at San Francisco
(as a .500 QB, it's Romo's turn to have a good game)

San Diego at New England
(battle of the QBs. Home field is why I'm going for NE)

Houston at Miami
(no doubt.)

Cincinnati at Denver
(Tebow sucks...he STILL can't start *shakes head*)

Philadelphia at Atlanta
(the dog-torturer will win because good things happen to bad people in sports)

St. Louis at NY Giants
(one of the few games NY will win this year)

"Lolz"! Ha!

2011-09-17T09:01:00.000+01:00

In the file marked "too good not to share", from The Guardian's weekday (proper) football newsletter, The Fiver, RE this weekend's game between rivals West Ham United and Millwall:

"There's also the better nature of Joseph Bloggs, an almost entirely imaginary phenomenon to which Millwall's American chairman John Berylson has made an endearingly naive appeal. "I can assure you that in the States there are sporting rivalries which are equally fierce, intense, passionate or however you want to call it," he said of those infamous under-12 Spelling Bees that are periodically the subject of a documentary on More 4, involving uber-wedgies and extended debates over whether the word 'Lolz' is even in the dictionary. "What characterises them is ... sharp wit and humour. I wonder whether now isn't the time for us to take the lead in moving our relationship with our East End neighbours on to a new, more mature footing."

Good luck with that, pal! When that fails, and if there is trouble tomorrow, they can just start the next match at 8am, when most wrong'uns are in the midst of a tanking comedown and/or losing a battle of wills with Armitage Shanks, after failing miserably to pace themselves, a proud Englishman to the last retch."

Misleading Titles, Ahoy!

2011-06-11T16:12:00.003+01:00

The following snippet from www.ultraculture.co.uk's review of the Jodie Foster-directed, Mel Gibson-starring The Beaver made me literally laugh out loud:

Given that first-time screenwriter Kyle Killen could have made the ‘prescription puppet’ that Mel Gibson communicates through for most of the movie any animal whatsoever, I naturally assumed that he’d chosen a beaver to give himself some reliable genitalia-based humour to fall back on when times got tough. But inexplicably, not once in the entire movie does anyone score into this massive, perpetually-open goal.

It’s like if Ed Balls and Brian Cox drove off a dyke into a muff warehouse and The Sun went with the headline ‘MP and Physicist Cross Levee Into Handwarmer Depository’.

Read the full review here.

The A-Z of My Favorite Movies

2011-05-13T18:54:00.000+01:00

All About Eve
In my top five movies of all time.

Braveheart
I prefer not to think about Mel's recent transgressions and instead focus on this historically inaccurate but eminently re-watchable epic.

Clockwork Orange, A
Kubrick's best film, which is no small boast.

Do the Right Thing
Still Spike's best movie.

Elephant Man, The
Hopkins is every bit as good as Hurt in possibly the only movie I know that I find difficult to watch. So upsetting, but so very, very good.

Fly, The
Featuring what I believe to be one of the best acting performances by anyone, ever. Take a bow, Jeff.

GoodFellas
The best movie ever made. Period.

Hannah and Her Sisters
My joint-favorite Woody Allen movie.

It's a Wonderful Life
To say it's just the best Xmas movie of all time would still be doing it an injustice.

Jackie Brown
Criminally underrated Tarantino masterpiece.

King of Comedy, The
For me, DeNiro is every bit as good here as he was in Raging Bull. His joint best performance ever.

L.A. Confidential
Every single line of dialogue in this masterful film means something. Pay attention.

Manhattan
My other favorite Woody Allen

Nightmare Before Xmas, The
My favorite Disney movie ever. After Toy Story, that is.

Oldboy
Three words: Best. Ending. Ever.

Pulp Fiction
Tarantino's best...changed the face of movies.

Queen, The
Best movie I could think of that started with a Q.

Raging Bull
One of the most beautiful and harrowing films of all time. THIS is why DeNiro is known as the greatest actor of his generation.

Scarface
Nothing more can be said about this masterwork that hasn't already been said.

Twelve Angry Men
Remarkable script and remarkable acting from all 12 jurors.

Unbreakable
M. Night's best, by far, and a brilliantly original film.

Volver
Not Almodovar's best, but better than most movies released in '06.

Wizard of Oz, The
Is there a more perfect family film than this? Timeless.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Is it wrong that I really, really like this movie and prefer it to all the others in the series?

Year of the Dragon
Good thriller from a time when Mickey Rourke looked normal. And cool.

Zulu
A film that made Michael Caine a star, and proved he could do non-Michael Caine accents!

Game Change

2011-03-07T13:19:00.000Z

Just finished the book Game Change: Obama and the Clintons, McCain and Palin, and the Race of a Lifetime by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin. It's about the 2008 U.S. presidential race. Both Heliemann and Halperin have extensive inside knowledge about the campaigns and. apparently, have many inside sources.

Their information seems factual to me, with only a very small amount of supposition/conjecture. Of course, you'll need to read the book yourself to determine how much you believe.

What I can say is that it's a very entertaining, very informative inside look at political campaigns, how they work, what they involve and how they're managed.

While it doesn't reveal any huge surprises (who doesn't already know that McCain has a temper, Biden is prone to gaffes, Palin's stupid, Hillary is controlling excpet when it comes to Bill and Obama is a little green) it does provide a surprising amount of anecdotal evidence to support the preconceptions and manages to portray all of the involved parties as having many flaws while simultaneously making the reader sympathise with their plight/the pressures (and yes, I'm even including Palin...at times!).

Recommended.

Charlie Brooker Is Awesome

2011-03-07T12:05:00.000Z

Charlie Brooker, ultimate "The Wire" fan, presenter of, among other things, "How TV Ruined Your Life" and "The 10 O'Clock Show", and leading columnist for The Guardian (best newspaper in the UK) wrote the following article for today's Guardian about world-famous music stars performing for third-world despots for cash.

I blog about this, because CB is hugely funny and entertaining and the following passage is genius:

Another famous star who reportedly performed for the Gaddafis is notorious pussy 50 Cent, the crybaby pant-shitting wuss whom I could definitely have in a fight. (Did you know his real name is Fifi Millicent? Don't tell him I told you, because he's terribly sensitive about it, and weeps huge cowardly tears out of his gutless baby eyes whenever it's mentioned. Also, he was born a girl.)

Rest of the article below, original link here.

A huge source of frustration for any performing artist is that you can't choose your fans. And the more popular you get, the more likely it is you'll attract people you can't stand. Kurt Cobain so disliked the uncool non-underground types who began showing up at Nirvana gigs after the release of their debut album Bleach that he wrote the song In Bloom, which attacks an unnamed moronic jock type who dares to enjoy Nirvana's music: "He's the one who likes all our pretty songs," goes the chorus. "And he likes to sing along, and he likes to shoot his gun – but he knows not what it means."
Yeah! Take that, you mainstream douche bags! Feeling pretty stupid now, huh?

Well, no. They weren't. Partly because they knew not what it meant, but largely because Cobain foolishly gave the song a catchy melody, and then compounded this error by including it on an album of other catchy melodies called Nevermind, which became such a massive mainstream success that he never truly lived it down, at least in his own head. And it soon turned out the despised jock fan wasn't the only one prone to discharging the occasional firearm.

Still, if Cobain was tortured by the presence of the occasional macho numbskull at his gigs, imagine how awful he'd feel if he looked out and saw a member of the Gaddafi dynasty moshing to Smells Like Teen Spirit. Chances are he'd have beaten himself to death with his own guitar right there and then.
But many of the planet's current pop stars are clearly made of sterner stuff. They're so unconcerned about the suitability of their fans, they'll put on a private show for the Gaddafi clan at the drop of a hat. A hat full of money.

Now the blood's started flowing they're getting contrite about the whole thing. First Nelly Furtado outed herself, announcing on Twitter that in 2007 she'd been given $1m to perform for the Gaddafis, and was now donating the sum to charity.

Other stars who attended Gaddafi dynasty parties include Mariah Carey, Usher, Lionel Richie, and Jay-Z – who, thanks to the bad publicity, now has 100 problems.

Mr Z's wife, Beyoncé, reportedly received $2m to perform at a New Year party thrown by Hannibal Gaddafi, but subsequently gave the money to Haiti. "Once it became known that the third-party promoter was linked to the Gaddafi family, the decision was made to put that payment to a good cause," said her publicist. Fair enough. She probably didn't realise the Gaddafis were behind the bash, although her husband reportedly attended an identical party at the same venue the previous year – at which, it is claimed, Mariah Carey sang four songs in exchange for $1m. The Gaddafi link was exposed in the press at the time, but only in small-circulation newspapers such as the Sun, so it's fair to assume Beyoncé's advisers had no idea where the cash was coming from.

Libya would be a good growth market for Beyoncé, incidentally, as, thanks to the Gaddafi regime, it now contains far more Single Ladies than it used to.

Another famous star who reportedly performed for the Gaddafis is notorious pussy 50 Cent, the crybaby pant-shitting wuss whom I could definitely have in a fight. (Did you know his real name is Fifi Millicent? Don't tell him I told you, because he's terribly sensitive about it, and weeps huge cowardly tears out of his gutless baby eyes whenever it's mentioned. Also, he was born a girl.)

Fifi was paid an undisclosed sum to sing and dance like a fey little puppet in front of Mutassim Gaddafi at the 2005 Venice film festival. But while the other stars have been embarrassed by their (possibly unintentional) connection to a despotic regime, Fifi seems to have used his as the inspiration for a startlingly violent video game called 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, released on the PS3 and Xbox 360 in 2009.

The game opens with Fifi Millicent performing a gig in an unnamed war-torn Middle Eastern country, in exchange for a $10m fee. When the mysterious promoter shows signs of not coughing up the money, Fifi and chums storm backstage, call him a "motherfucker" and shove a shotgun in his face. Terrified, he hands them a priceless Damien Hirst-style diamond-encrusted skull. Fiddy and co then bravely head for the airport in their armoured Hummers, only to be ambushed by armed insurgents. During the gunfire and confusion, a sexy woman appears from nowhere and steals the precious skull. "Bitch took my skull," whines Fifi, before embarking on an awesome odyssey of violence across the troubled Arabic nation, shooting and murdering anyone who gets in his way.

Who'd have thought someone like 50 Cent could lend his name to something so crass and stupid? It's almost as if he's an idiot. Still, perhaps openly embracing the despotic crossover in a video game is the way forward. How long before we see a game called Gaddafi Hero, in which you perform a series of upbeat numbers for Middle Eastern tyrants by pushing coloured buttons on a plastic guitar in time to the beat, while trying to drown out the nagging voice of your own conscience and the furious chants of the oppressed?

Suggested tracklisting: While My Qatar Gently Weeps; Gimme Gimme Gimme Oman After Midnight; Insane in the Bahrain; Here Comes Yemen; and 50 Ways To Libya Lover. Recommended retail price? $2m and counting.

Oscar Predictions

2011-02-27T06:52:00.001Z

Here's my Oscar list, with who I WANT to win and who I think WILL win in the major categories. This list is based purely on who has been nominated, rather that who I would REALLY want to win (otherwise I would put The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo as the film I WANT to win Best Picture). Also, forgive the lack of visually-stimulating text...am writing this from my phone as it's been 8 days since we moved into the new house and I still have no fucking internet for another four days.

Best Picture
Want: Toy Story 3
Will: The King's Speech

Best Director
Want: Tom Hooper (The King's Speech)
Will: David Fincher (The Social Network)

Best Actress
Want: Natalie Portman (Black Swan)
Will: Natalie Portman (Black Swan)

Best Actor
Want: James Franco (127 Hours) or Colin Firth (The King's Speech) - can't make up my mind...
Will: Colin Firth (The King's Speech)

Best Supporting Actress
Want: Melissa Leo (The Fighter)
Will: Melissa Leo (The Fighter)

Best Supporting Actor
Want: Geoffrey Rush (The King's Speech)
Will: Christian Bale (The Fighter)

Best Animated Feature
Want: Toy Story 3
Will: Toy Story 3

Best Adapted Screenplay
Want: The Social Network
Will: The Social Network

Best Original Screenplay
Want: Inception
Will: The King's Speech

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

The Best Of Everything (Tech Edition)

2011-02-12T14:52:00.004Z

A blog post by my good friend Cam in which he mentioned some of his favorite tech, er, things, inspired me to write what I consider to be the best of everything techie...

Best Phone: HTC Desire HD. See my original post here

Best Phone Operating System: Google's Android. Again here

Best Non-Game App: FaceTime (iPhone 4). Full Skype-like capability on your phone. Even though it's limited at the moment (you can only FaceTime with other iPhone 4 users), it's still a game changer in the world of apps

Best Game App: Angry Birds. The best, most fun and most addictive game out there...so much so, that PS3/360 versions are in the works. Sorry, Blackberry and Windows Phone 7 users, you're not at the party!

Best Video Games System: Nintendo Wii. Love the Sony PS3 and the Microsoft XBOX 360 is also very good (but will ALWAYS lose to the PS3 due to lack of built-in Blu-Ray), but for sheer all-round fun that appeals to ALL ages, nothing can yet beat the Wii

Best Video Game: Guitar Hero/Rock Band series. Probably most responsible (okay, okay, along with Wii Sports) for the transformation of the Video Games System from kid/nerd-centric time waster to dinner-party-replacing social entertainment must-have for grown ups

Best Laptop: Apple MacBook Air. I don't personally own one and have a VAIO (that is awesome, btw) myself. However, I've used one and for portability (which is what laptops were invented for), aesthetics, ease of use, hardware and software, this can't be beaten

Best Computer Operating System: Microsoft Windows 7. Though it's catching up, in terms of pure functionality, MAC OS X Snow Leopard still doesn't compare to Windows' best. W7 takes the best features of Vista (which, for my money, were ample) and leaves the worst (which were also ample)

Best Media Player: VLC (VideoLAN). If you download movies from places other than "official" channels such as iTunes (which I, of course, would NEVER do), then there is simply no substitute. Able to play literally ANY video or music file, this beats the piss out of both Windows' and Quicktime's Media Players

Best Web Browser: Google Chrome. Mozilla's Firefox was once cutting-edge (such as the ground-breaking tabbed browsing). Now everything it offers is bettered by both Microsoft Internet Explorer 8 (never mind 9!) and Chrome

Best Tablet: iPad...for now. By the end of this year I'm sure I'll be able to properly answer this

Best MP3 Player: None. Seriously, with smartphones now able to do everything the best iPod/Zune can do, who the fuck even HAS an MP3 player anymore?

Best TV: Sony Bravia LEDs. Though I just bought a brand-new 42" LG LCD (which, with it's 200Hz refresh rate, built-in Internet and multitude of connections is the best TV I've ever owned), even I know that nobody makes TVs with the quality, lastability and functionality of Sony...I just couldn't afford one with the specs I wanted! Note: I don't include 3D here, as I believe it's silly

Best Way to Watch Movies/TV: HDD/Internet TV. Seriously, if you still watch DVDs or Blu-Ray Discs, you lose. If your TV doesn't have built-in Internet or USB inputs for direct hard-drive connectivity (shit, at least hook your laptop/PC up to it, via HDMI, of course), well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by...

Okay, So THIS Is Why I Always Loved NFL More Than Baseball

2011-02-07T19:23:00.000Z

You can't argue with this logic...

The Greatest Example of Album Cover Art. Ever

2011-02-04T19:12:00.000Z

There is no better album cover than this:

...and, as a special bonus, the Absolut Vodka homage (can you see the bottle?):

I Forgot Two

2011-02-04T19:05:00.000Z

*So I forgot about these two shows when I posted my "(Current) TV Shows You Should Be Watching. Right. Now." yesterday...oops!

19. Sherlock - perhaps the finest iteration of this oft-adapted literary character. Benedict Cumberbatch (really?) excels as the titular sleuth, while Martin Freeman (Tim!) brings unexpected depth to the Iraq-war-vet Dr. Watson.

20. The Walking Dead - zombies, but taken seriously. What with this, Shaun of the Dead, The Crazies, 28 Weeks Later (better than "Days", for me), the Dawn of the Dead remake, etc., the zombie genre has literally never had it so good.