The Top 3 Annoying Things This Week

Here's the next part in the occasional series of things that annoy the piss out of me.

1. I witnessed this happen twice to other people over the past few days and then it happened to me once. I'm talking about people who make a stupid mistake whilst driving and then get pissed off at the person they've just cut-off/almost ran into! (US readers: For the purpose of understanding this story, please remember that we drive on the left here in England)
Scenario 1: While approaching a roundabout, this wanker was in the "turn left only" lane and the guy on his right was in the "go straight" lane. Needless to say, the wanker went straight over the roundabout and almost crashed into the guy on his right who was proceeding correctly. At this point let me say that in all fairness, we all make mistakes on the road from time to time. The correct thing to do when this happens is to hold your hand up to your fellow road user, mouth the word "sorry" and have a suitably contrite look on your face. If you don't do this, you're a wanker. Well, the guy who fucked up in the above scenario not only didn't say sorry, but acutally honked at, and gave the bird to, the guy he almost crashed into!!! As you can imagine, the innocent guy was now very pissed off and tried to make the wanker pull over to presumably punch him in his fat face or at least give him a piece of his mind. The wanker, being the fucking coward/asshole he obviously is, refused to pull over and kept his head down for the rest of the journey.
Scenario 2: Whilst on a stretch of dual carriageway, I was in the passing lane as I approached a 50 mph speed limit. I began to slow down to 50 while still passing the person on my left. It is imperitive you understand that I was STILL PASSING the person on my left, whilst obeying the speed limit. Some wanker behind me was, in automotive lingo, "right up my ass." This fuckface continued to stay right up my ass until I passed the car on the left which, because of the speed limit and approaching roundabout, took longer than a normal passing manouver. Once I had passed the car and got out of the passing lane, the wanker came up beside me and mouthed what appeared to be a bunch of gobbledygook while trying to give out angry fuck-off vibes with his face. I'm sure the words he was saying behind the safety of his shatterproof glass weren't compliments about my hair and clothes and I'm equally sure that if my wife hadn't been in the car, who has a strange intolerance for any indignation I may show toward asshole drivers, I would have engaged this wanker in a fun game of road intimidation.
I swear, these people all need to be knifed in the throat.


2. Guys with the Busted/McFly haircut. Why do all British guys aged between 18 and 25 have the same stupid haircut? It's not as if the haircut they're all copying is cool. It's the dumbest fucking haircut in the universe. At Milton Keynes mall the other day, I couldn't move without bumping into one of these assholes.

Do you see what I'm saying?

3. People who hate Christmas. You know those people who bitch about xmas "starting too early?" You know the ones. "Oh my God, I can't buh-LEEVE they have xmas decorations up in the stores already. It makes me sick." These people need to get a fucking life. First of all, xmas is the greatest of all holidays. Forget about the religious connotations. We all get cool presents and get to buy stuff for the people we like/love that we know will make them happy. There's good food around all the time. It's the time of year when all the quality movies come out as well as the best TV. It's the time of year where maybe we're all just a bit nicer to each other or maybe things don't irritate us quite as much. In short, whether you're aetheist or baptist, Christian or Buddhist, for a short time at the end of each year, maybe we'll get in one less argument or do one extra nice thing for someone. For people to actually COMPLAIN about the onset of such a short, but wonderful period in our increasingly busy lives where we have increasingly less time to do the things we love with the people we love, just irritates the absolute shit out of me and they're lucky it's almost xmas or I'd have to fuck them up!

I was right (surprise, surprise), it DID kick ass!

Just got back home from seeing The Departed at Cineworld in Milton Keynes. As you will know from a previous post, I was DYING to see this. Now that I HAVE seen it I can confirm the following truths:

#1 When it comes to predicting how good/bad a movie WILL be, I'm always right

#2 When it comes to predicting how good/bad anything will be, I'm always right

#3 Leonardo DiCaprio is distressingly good in this movie

#4 MattDamon is even better. He should do bad guys more often

#5 Mark Wahlberg almost steals the entire movie. Best thing he's done since Boogie Nights

#6 Jack Nicholson can STILL surprise us with just how great an actor he is

#7 Alec Baldwin is underused in movies today. I mean Glengarry for Christ's sake!

#8 Scorcese isn't shite anymore. First great film for 15 years (Cape Fear, 1991)

If I didn't make this clear before, if you DON'T see this movie, you're a stupid-head.

The Greatest Trailer in the World

If you can seriously tell me that you DON'T want to see this movie after watching this trailer, you're a goddamned liar.

What I'm listening to right now, Jazz Edition

Diana Krall - From This Moment On

It's always the way....you wait for ages for another good jazz vocal album to come out, when two come along at once! Diana Krall's new album, From This Moment On, is her first studio-recorded album of standards since The Look of Love in 2001 (for me, the best album she has ever recorded). I must say that after the patchy Live in Paris and the interesting but dull The Girl in the Other Room, this is a welcome return to the type of record that garnered her such critical and commercial popularity. For this release, Diana has mixed the familiar with the obscure to create a totally refreshing album, giving us new spins on old classics while making the more unrecognisable standards sound like hits from their eras. In particular, How Insensitive, the bossa nova-tinged Jobim/Getz/Gilberto instrumental favorite is given to a new audience with a laid-back vocal. The whole album oozes class and will make her some new fans while keeping her regulars happy. The perfect chillout album that's not a chillout album.

Download: How Insensitive, Isn't This a Lovely Day, From This Moment On

Madeleine Peyroux - Half the Perfect World

If Diana Krall is the more populist face of new jazz vocalists, then madeleine Peyroux is part of the underground. On this, her third CD, the Billie Holiday-like voice wraps itself around some well-known standards and a few self-penned songs. As with her previous breakthrough album, Careless Love, Madeleine brings something deeper to her interpretations than a superficial slickness. You believe she has lived/is living the words she sings, which is why, I think, she has gained a popularity beyond those "Wow, doesn't she sound like Billie," coffee bar "fans."

Download: River, Smile

When the Levees Broke

Being an active duty military member, there are certain things I cannot say about our current administration and the president.

If you get a chance, please try and catch the new HBO documentary When the Levees Broke, A Requiem in Four Parts directed by Spike Lee. As we all were in August/September 2005, Spike was watching wall-to-wall news coverage about Hurricane Katrina. What started as a tragedy turned into a travesty. Spike, like many of us, couldn't believe what he was seeing and what was happening in the "richest country in the world." He spent the next year interviewing victims, officials and others connected either directly or indirectly to Katrina. The end result was a four-hour documentary that simply presents those involved and let's them tell their story. This isn't a "Spike Lee Joint," in the traditional sense, as he is noticeably absent from the proceedings. By letting his subjects tell of their hurt, anger, anguish, sadness, pain, indignation, outrage, tiredness, hopelessness, terror and sorrow, Spike leaves us under no misconception of exactly what they think of both their government and their president.

Never have I felt so many emotions whilst watching a documentary. I urge all of you to see this film.

Don't hate, you KNOW you want to see this

*Gasp*...can't breathe....am so excited....cannot wait 'til Decem*cough*ber

Rocky VI. Yes, that's right, Rocky s-i-x. Please click the above picture of fabulosity to see the best trailer in the entire world...ever.

The Top 5 Annoying Things This Week - Sports Edition

5. Footballer's Autobiographies
What the piss am I going to learn about life from a 20-year-old uneducated oik who looks like Shrek or an overrated East End "wideboy" who thinks football skill can pass for profundity.

4. NFL Fantasy Football
As someone who is actually playing it this season, I feel that I have permission to say how sad but satisfyingly funny it is that the sports equivalent of being a D & D-er has become more popular than the game itself.

3. The term "Football" when describing the sport played by the NFL
Despite my cries to the contrary, there are still some Americans who insist on calling it football instead of the obviously more appropriate moniker of American Rugby.

2. Formula 1
Wow. It's really exciting this season what with it actually being a TWO-horse race between Schumacher and Alonso and how about Jenson Button and man, aren't Toyota doing well and....it still bores me to the verge of tears.

1. NASCAR
Let's face it. NASCAR will ALWAYS be the most annoying thing in sport. I hereby reserve this and all future number one spots for the "sport" beloved by all who think that there are TWO syllables in the word man (may-an) and that the Ford F-150 is the very pinnacle and, dare I say it, piece de resistance, of automotive excellence

The Battle of the Album Covers

I still can't decide whether or not this is incredibly creative or if some smelly dorm-dweller simply has too much time on their hands. What do you think?

Borat's Guide to Wine Tasting in US and A

The two movies YOU MUST WATCH this fall

How does the cliche go? "If you see nothing else this season..." Well in the case of the upcoming fall/winter movie season, for me it has to be Borat and The Departed. If anyone out there is unaware of who or what "Borat" is, please watch the trailer by clicking here. I'll go out on a limb here and say that it will be the funniest movie of the past few years. Let the trailer explain the rest.

As for The Departed, being a huge Scorsese (Raging Bull, Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Goodfellas, etc.) fan, I naturally look forward to his new films. In recent years, though, I, and many others, have been, to put it politely, underwhelmed by his output (Kundun, Bringing Out the Dead, The Aviator). With The Departed, he is dealing with a subject he knows and can do better than anyone: Gangsters, and has, so far, garnered some of his most positive reviews since Goodfellas. Check out the reviews here and watch the amazingness of the trailer here.

What I'm listening to right now, Part 1

Outkast - Idlewild Soundtrack
Speakerboxx/The Love Below was, I think, one of the best albums of all time and certainly the best rap/hip-hop album I've ever heard. Andre 3000's half, The Love Below, was a masterpiece of genre-mixing madness while Bog Boi's Speakerboxx, while more straightforward hip-hop, took that particular genre to a new level in terms of creativity. After waiting three (!) long years for a follow-up, Idlewild couldn't be anything other than a let-down. And it is. However, because the bar was raised so high with S/TLB, this particular letdown still scores an 8 out of 10. Like S/TLB, although all the songs are on one disk, once again both Big Boi and Andre 3000's songs are seperate in terms of collaboration. This time, however, it is Big Boi's tracks that stand out. Do yourself a favor and get this album
Download: Morris Brown, Hollywood Divorce, Buggface


The Feeling - Twelve Stops and Home
Due to what apparently must be a clause in the contract of the BBC Radio 1 playlist organizers, The Feeling must be played every two seconds on every radio show every day. Due to this ubiquity you will either become sick to your stomach of their music or it will grow on you. Obviously, by including them in this post I am part of the latter section. I can best describe them as a more upbeat Coldplay or a Great Escap-era Blur. Either way, their brand of catchy rock-pop is hard to resist.
Download: Fill My Little World, Sewn