22 Oct 2006

The Top 3 Annoying Things This Week

Here's the next part in the occasional series of things that annoy the piss out of me.

1. I witnessed this happen twice to other people over the past few days and then it happened to me once. I'm talking about people who make a stupid mistake whilst driving and then get pissed off at the person they've just cut-off/almost ran into! (US readers: For the purpose of understanding this story, please remember that we drive on the left here in England)

Scenario 1: While approaching a roundabout, this wanker was in the "turn left only" lane and the guy on his right was in the "go straight" lane. Needless to say, the wanker went straight over the roundabout and almost crashed into the guy on his right who was proceeding correctly. At this point let me say that in all fairness, we all make mistakes on the road from time to time. The correct thing to do when this happens is to hold your hand up to your fellow road user, mouth the word "sorry" and have a suitably contrite look on your face. If you don't do this, you're a wanker. Well, the guy who fucked up in the above scenario not only didn't say sorry, but acutally honked at, and gave the bird to, the guy he almost crashed into!!! As you can imagine, the innocent guy was now very pissed off and tried to make the wanker pull over to presumably punch him in his fat face or at least give him a piece of his mind. The wanker, being the fucking coward/asshole he obviously is, refused to pull over and kept his head down for the rest of the journey.
Scenario 2: Whilst on a stretch of dual carriageway, I was in the passing lane as I approached a 50 mph speed limit. I began to slow down to 50 while still passing the person on my left. It is imperitive you understand that I was STILL PASSING the person on my left, whilst obeying the speed limit. Some wanker behind me was, in automotive lingo, "right up my ass." This fuckface continued to stay right up my ass until I passed the car on the left which, because of the speed limit and approaching roundabout, took longer than a normal passing manouver. Once I had passed the car and got out of the passing lane, the wanker came up beside me and mouthed what appeared to be a bunch of gobbledygook while trying to give out angry fuck-off vibes with his face. I'm sure the words he was saying behind the safety of his shatterproof glass weren't compliments about my hair and clothes and I'm equally sure that if my wife hadn't been in the car, who has a strange intolerance for any indignation I may show toward asshole drivers, I would have engaged this wanker in a fun game of road intimidation.
I swear, these people all need to be knifed in the throat.



2. Guys with the Busted/McFly haircut. Why do all British guys aged between 18 and 25 have the same stupid haircut? It's not as if the haircut they're all copying is cool. It's the dumbest fucking haircut in the universe. At Milton Keynes mall the other day, I couldn't move without bumping into one of these assholes.

Do you see what I'm saying?

3. People who hate Christmas. You know those people who bitch about xmas "starting too early?" You know the ones. "Oh my God, I can't buh-LEEVE they have xmas decorations up in the stores already. It makes me sick." These people need to get a fucking life. First of all, xmas is the greatest of all holidays. Forget about the religious connotations. We all get cool presents and get to buy stuff for the people we like/love that we know will make them happy. There's good food around all the time. It's the time of year when all the quality movies come out as well as the best TV. It's the time of year where maybe we're all just a bit nicer to each other or maybe things don't irritate us quite as much. In short, whether you're aetheist or baptist, Christian or Buddhist, for a short time at the end of each year, maybe we'll get in one less argument or do one extra nice thing for someone. For people to actually COMPLAIN about the onset of such a short, but wonderful period in our increasingly busy lives where we have increasingly less time to do the things we love with the people we love, just irritates the absolute shit out of me and they're lucky it's almost xmas or I'd have to fuck them up!

1 comment:

Cam said...

You know you'd get that haircut if you weren't in the military. =P